Hi baby. Mama called me and asked about IBM. I told her what you told me. I told her I’m considering getting a day job and just having some time off for now. She said she wants to talk to me one on one about it, that I got IBM and I'm a regular already, that at my age, I wont be able to get a good job etc, that I should not rely on you, that I should establish myself and I have started on that already, that if anything happens, I have to stand on my own and not be a burden to you, that even if you have plans for us, I should think of myself too and make sure I can be proud of myself. It’s hard to explain to her, baby. I don’t know what else to do. I told her I learned what I need from IBM and that I can be strong and move on.

What I can read from her is that she's worried that I'd be another loser without you, that I would depend on you about our future--whatever you plans are. She said there are no day time call centers. I said I'm not gonna look for a call center job anymore.

IBM job gave me a reason to walk in the house with my chin up and a notch of respect from people around. I mean, I trust you, baby. I just don’t know what rope to hold on to now if mama starts asking me things. It’s like I have more to prove now and I'm determined to prove we will be a good team, much more than she can ever hope for me. I hope you can understand why I’m scared. I believe in us and I believe in your plans...100% and I will stick to it. But believe me when I say, she won’t get off my back. I’m sure of it.

You’re the only reason I survive each day. I live to see you and hear your voice, and the thought of holding you in my arms very soon. It will be soon, panda.

I love you so much, baby xXx